I'll never forget "That week". The worst week of my life. When I say that phrase (that week) only one other person would know what im talking about. That person happens to be my ex. Ugh...... I really hate bringing this up, but it and she have been on my mind alot lately and I gotta get it out somehow. I guess i'll start with a recap. She and I had been together for over 2 years. Things have gotten a little boring with us as with most couples after dating that long. I suppose the spark disappeared. It did with her anyway. One sunday afternoon im sitting on her bed watching tv. She is outside washing her car. I haven't heard from her in a while so I decide to go check things out. She walks up to me and as plain as hell says "I think we should take a break". At first I try to be tough.. try to be a man.. but it hurt so bad and it tore me up until I was in tears. She tells me it will only be for a couple of weeks to a month. Clinging on to that, I left and went home. A day or two passes.. Kenneth shows up. It appears he had been in the picture for quite some while. I didnt realize it at that moment but looking back it was clear she just wanted to fool around with some other guys without being labled a cheating girlfriend. He started going to her house every single night just as I had for the past 2 years. I was weak, broken, and didnt know where to turn. I gave up every single one of my friends for her, literally. So I stalked her. One night I waited outside her house in the dark just to see if there would be a goodnight kiss when he departed. There wasnt. The next night I stalked again.. the pain started to swell inside of me to enormous levels. I had to know what was going on inside her house. I take off running and walk on in as if it were my own house. I rush past her parents that had no clue that I would stop by (which PISSED THEM OFF). I get to her bedroom door and its locked. I bang on the door and tell them its me. It took about a minute and a half for her to answer the door.. her hair was all tussled, he had the look of victory on his face. I want to kill. I want him to die. She had belonged to me for so long. Calmly I ask him to follow me into the next room where I shut the door behind us. All of my anger instantly turned into more hurt. I looked at Kenneth with his cocky smile. I knew him for a few years, I always found him to be the overly nice guy. I told him this.. "She is all I got. I love her and she loves me.. I dont know if she is confused right now or what but I need her back. Please, help me out". Man to man with me in tears I spilled my heart like a feeble little child. He says to me, "Dude, im sorry. Listen, all im doing is helping her through yall's break. I am someone she can talk to, thats it. I promise you, there is nothing going on between us. I'm gonna help you get her back man". His words satisfied me very little but I took them and left. A few more days pass. Its her neices bday and she wants me to go to the party with her as friends. We go.. on the way its all we talk about, her and kenneth. She actually tells me that they have feelings for each other and have expressed those feelings physically. Oh shit I was so fucking pissed! She was already all over another guy plus that son of a bitch lied to my face.. he was supposed to be my friend and all his mind was set on was some pussy. We arrive at the party, neither of us talking to each other. I wasn't being the nicest of guests I guess and out of the blue she says something SO STUPID. "I wish Kenneth were here". Fuck that!!! I got up and told her we were leaving. I wanted to be as far away from this girl as possible. The pain I felt up to this point was amplified ten fold. On the way back to town I screamed curses filled with every ounce of rage I could muster. I HATED her at that point. I wanted her to hurt a million times worse than she hurt me. I told her to never talk to me again, that I was going to quit working for her parents, and that this was the last time she was going to see me. She scwaled, begging me to give her another chance. Even though I had so much hate inside me, she still had every last bit of my heart. I told her I would give her one last chance and she PROMISED to NEVER even thinking about messing with another guy again. That week was the worst i've ever been through. The depression and even a few thoughts of ending my life followed over the next 6 months. I was such an emotional wreck. Looking back, I really needed to seek professional help. Why did this bad break up affect me so badly one might ask? Because for her, I gave up every last friend I had. I never called, texted, emailed, contacted them for pretty much our entire relationship. I was alone. None of those old friends wanted to talk to me due to my extreme betrayal. I kept all of these hurtful feelings bottled up inside. So what ever happened to her and the relationship that we had?? Oh, she broke that promise MAJORLY. She was off with all these different guys doing God knows what while I stayed true to her and only her. We finally called it quits for good after a few last, random encounters. Those "last encounters" I speak of were me trying to find it in my heart to forgive and forget all the things she had done to me. Again, she promised no other guys but this time I couldnt bring myself to believe it. For the next year and a half after "That Week" I was so far gone to depression. I needed meds but I was too proud to admit to my mom that I was so messed up in the head and needed to see a doctor. All I did was stay inside and play video games. Work and school were blessings with all of the social interactions but I was a emotional wreck still. I developed a bit of a stuttering problem for a few months; all my self confidence was taken from me. Slowly I found people to become friends with. That was a hard process and I would accept anyone that was willing to listen to me talk about her. I loved her. I wanted her to change so bad, giving her chance after chance. Still to this day if she could somehow prove that she changed for good I would take her back in a second. sigh... She moved on and I left town for good. She found her (what I believe to be) a good boyfriend and I found a fresh start in Stark with new friends, job, and life. Our love story ended very shakey, but thats the way it happened. More than likely we'll never rekindle what was there. I miss my best friend that I had in her over that 3 year period. She got me like no one else ever has. I still dream about her. Most of the times when im trying to fantisize women in my head she always comes first. Hmm.. it bugs me. Why am I like this?? Maybe I still need those meds. I need a drive around town right now but... well the other night when I went out late at night I had a near death experience. I went flying into this ditch going about 60 and VERY LUCKILY rolled out and stopped before tumbling over in a gulley on the other side of the street. Im just lonely. I know once I find "the one" life will become precious again. Until then.. -Chambo
2009-10-30
1:03 a.m.