To kill...? I enjoy days like this. Days where I go not feeling any sadness or lonliness. The relationship between my new buddy/boss Justin and I is growing every day. I dare say we are on our way to becoming best friends. Earlier we caught a great football game on tv. As we sat there we talked about guy stuff, the usual. Turns out his step-dad has some hunting land. He offered to take me with him when the season starts, im very much looking forward to that. He seemed more excited than I did which was a good thing. Hell, tonight after work he comes over to me and says that his wife is making a roast sometime this week and that they want me to come over and eat. Now come on, no one just invites any ole person over to chow down on a roast. I get the feeling they enjoy my company. Same goes for me, they are a fun couple. I fantisize alot. More than most men do I would guess. No, not about screwing woman after woman (although yes, im a guy, and I have my share of those thoughts). Its more of my future, what people think of me, and just how I would run the world if I were given such power. I think.. I worry.. then I criticize myself for who I am now. I also wonder if it ever came down to it could I kill a person. Now, im speaking in self defense, of course. Im a great shot with my rifle.. in fact the all black 270 rifle I have right now has seen nothing but perfection. Every shot I have taken out of it whether it be target practice or at a live game has hit dead on, never missing once. I have the abilitiy to kill. Question is, would I have the nerve and the heart to do it? I suppose it comes down to the situation.. If a man pointed a gun at me while at the same time mine was pointed at him I would have no problem pulling the trigger. So what about being a hired assassin? The pay for one human life is massive. In some cases its more than most people make annually. Lets put a price tag on it, $100 K. Thats alot of damn money.. And i'll also state that there is a guarantee that no one would ever find out I killed this person. That would be a very difficult decision for me. Most people would be cocky and say, "hell yeah, i'd kill a family of 4 for that kind of money!". Like I said, a very situational issue. My wish hasnt come true yet. I made 15 of them, the same one over and over wishing on each shooting star I saw that night. Sigh... I guess that wish that was granted from the shooting star 3 years ago was just a fluke. Ha. I swear.. a 21 year old guy wishing on stars, fantisizing about what could be.. pitiful or what?!? Its funny. I have endless worldly hope, yet very little spiritual hope. My mind is still on the killing issue. I watch alot of movies.. Especially action, I love gun/fist fights. There is always the lead hero fighting the bad guy, right? Most of the time the good guy must kill countless bad minions. Even though they are only seen for a split second before dying on camera thats still a life that being taken away.. each one of them.. And I wonder who were those guys? Why was each individual fighting for the bad guy? What was the incentive? What was their story? I know, it was just a movie. Im sure anyone reading this gets my point. As always I have much more to say but I feel as if I've written my share for this entry. -Chambo
2009-10-26
4:21 a.m.